Hey, You—Stop Lurking My Social Media And Say Hi

Why are people following me but never interacting or talking? Does it matter?

Since the birth of the social media, participation in online communities has been a problem. But the thing is… social networks are all about being, well, social.

We are all on our phones constantly, connected to the vast world of the internet and social media. When that little notification bubble pops up, it’s like a drug.

How much time do you spend on Facebook these days?

How much time do you spend on Instagram?

A lot? Yeah, me too.

I know you’re scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, looking at awkwardly posed pictures of someone you went to high school with, your coworkers #paleo lunch (#mealprep!) and a perfectly curated, colorful vacation photo from an influencer with 400k followers who is always galavanting in flowy dresses.

But you don’t double tap or comment. You don’t even really pay close attention, like you’re people watching all day from a corner cafe but instead, you’re doing it on a screen in your hand. You’re just passively scrolling while you’re killing time, anyway.

It’s okay. No judgment! I do it too. In fact, the majority of social media users are lurkers.

When it comes to digital creators, brands, bloggers, and influencers: 90% of followers are lurkers, another 8% occasionally participate, and the remaining 2% regularly engage/comment/share/like.

By lurkers, I mean people you know in real life or strangers that are following you that don’t communicate or engage with you in any way.

If you have a friend that actively creates content, blogs, or has a small business, PLEASE support them. Many of these people are trying to make a living.

Not only that, but we are ALL LOOKING FOR CONNECTIONS.

Social media is all about consuming or creating content.

What is social media content? The images, words, articles, stories, etc. that show up on your feed.

The most beautiful part of social media is being able to connect with anyone. You can connect with your co-workers, your family, your friends, the people you grew up with, that guy you met once at a party, that stranger that you sold something to once, or that random person who added you and always posts the best puppy videos.

Your own Facebook page might be a mix of people you know from all the different areas of your life (work, school, gym, family). Plus, business and meme pages, along with Facebook Groups.

On Instagram, you might be following a mix of people you know, friends-of-friends, celebrities, bloggers, and dogs in food.

How often do you comment or like or share your friends posts? What about strangers?

Social media is like at a party where there’s a bunch of people you don’t know. You might know one or two people, but the rest of the party is friends-of-friends, acquaintances, or strangers. That makes you a stranger, too. Not everyone is super outgoing and willing to engage with a stranger. Some people worry they’ll be laughed at for saying the wrong thing or that their comment is stupid.

In an age where we scrutinized people’s tweets on national tv and can even get you fired from your job, knowing your comment can be screenshotted,  fed to meme-hungry Redditors, or turned into a GIF for all of Giphy to enjoy is terrifying. But don’t let that stop you. I have a hard time believing you’re a troll.

Some people even have ghost profiles where they look at other peoples profiles under the guise of being a stranger. Catfishing, if you will.

It’s strange, but I get it.

It’s so easy to just be a consumer while people are sharing their lives or stories around you.

But let’s do more than that.

Let’s support each other. Let’s make connections. Let’s stay connected to the people in our lives that we’ve been separated from (if you want to, anyway).

How to help your friends on social media (consume)

Like and Comment on their Instagram, Facebook, and Blog posts. IT HELPS SO MUCH. If you engage with their content, not only does it make your friend feel really good, but it also helps their content reach more people. The more comments people get, the more their posts can be seen by other people (and potentially businesses).

Share their blog posts or website on your Facebook. Facebook’s algorithm is designed to show people more of the stuff they like.

If the content is good and interesting, your other FB friends are likely to share it. Then ”their” friends might share it too. That’s a lot of people seeing your friends content. If you share a post with your 504 friends and two people share it with their 903 and 467 friends, that’s a lot of people seeing your friends content.

The more shares on social media a website has, the more opportunities people have to see the content and link to it.

Respond to their Instagram Stories. Have a little chat, ask them a question, connect! It’s really okay if you don’t know them, especially if something they said or did resonated with you. We all could use more friends… and sometimes it’s nice to know someone is listening.

How to get more attention on your social media page (create)

Post daily: Keep your brand at the top of social media news feeds.

Recommend products: Produce original content using products you like. I know you have a camera on your phone. Snap a quick picture and write a short caption.

Use images: Images greatly increase interaction rates for all social media types.

Have a conversation: Launch inquiries, post useful tips, start a general discussion and reply to the audiences’ comments with helpful tips.

Listen: Read what people are saying on other platforms and talk about that. Include your own opinion.

Share: share links from websites you like, articles you read or images you like.

Current events: people find stories related to their interests to be more engaging, especially if the content engages people in broader discussions and if they contain news about the world around them from recipes, local issues or to global current events.

Do you have any other tips you’d like to share or tips you use while spending time on social media? Let me know in the comments below.

Author: Becca Risa Luna

Seattle-based fashion writer and personal essayist. Likes designer handbags, glaring openness, and subtle vulgarity.

3 thoughts

  1. I love your posts!! So cool that I discovered you on FB. I can relate to you, I may be in my 60’s, but we are from the same tribe. FB has given me the opportunity to reach out to women that are struggling with anxiety and depression just like me. Believe it or not I have my first appointment with a therapist in September. 50 years of emotional luggage has caught up with me! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m sure you have touched many people ❤️


  2. Sohey pls don’t feel unloved of unconnected by my inability to introduce myself 😉
    My name is Laura and so much of what you have tackled through your blog has blessed me pretty lady. There is the physical & emotional 💩 that we both seem to have experienced over the years and the aftermath we wrestle with today😬 ( and yeah the workbook therapy assignments I’d just as soon not talk about) please accept my sincerest apologies for not letting you know this sooner but you have made me feel 1) less alone & 2) normal & I am equally available to listen, commiserate, pray, what ever it is just speak the word!
    And FYI gray edit rocks too 😉 thanks for the introduction 😘


    1. Becca, the article you wrote about depression and suicidal thoughts is what grabbed my attention. You were talking about me. I shared it with my “friends” but didn’t get responses. They think I’m an attention seeker, evidently. They keep telling me it’s a conscious decision to just think positive and not to live in the past. I’ve tried to get help but can’t find any that accept Medicare. Was talked out of committing myself for a week to 10 days because I must not be serious since I’m pro-active and involved in getting myself help.
      I’ve had life events that, I guess, were common in the 70’s. I should just accept that I got a beating, clothes torn to shreds, attempted rape and a gun to my head by a boy I loved, was engaged to, and trusted. Supposedly, this contributed (as a few others did) to my PTSD. But I should get over it and move on…..I do try.
      Anyway, I’ve been following you ever since I saw that blog. I will comment on that which I feel connected, from now on. Thank you…


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